Masquerade
by Kaede-tama
Summary: It was a stupid dating site, Alfred wasn't counting on actually falling in love with someone! USCan


Full summary: Alfred F. Jones signs up for a dating site, just for kicks. To make it even more interesting, he labels himself as the son of a multi-millionaire CEO. But then he meets Matthew Williams, the _actual_ son of a multi-millionaire, and then things start to get complicated. Especially when Matthew gets engaged... It was a stupid dating site, Alfred wasn't supposed to actually fall in love with someone!

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><p><span>Masquerade<span>

When Alfred F. Jones got bored, bad things tended to happen. That included an accidental fireworks show (_read_: the Fourth of July Incident), a flash mob (_read:_ the Incident Where A Ton of People Got Arrested), and the kitchen being burned down (_read:_ Why Alfred Shouldn't Try to Bake Cupcakes).

But he'd always protest, "It's not my fault!" And that was true, to some extent - his best friend Gilbert Beilschmidt helped with conniving half of the many accidents that he's had.

"So, what do you want to do today?"

That was probably the question that began what would come to be known as _The_ Incident. Mother of All Events That Alfred Has Caused In His Twenty Two Years. And so on.

Gilbert had posed an innocent question. It was a regular September afternoon; both boys were lazing around in Alfred's living room. After tiring of playing Call of Duty, they'd resorted to surfing the internet on the blond's laptop.

"I was thinking- Haha, did you see that?" Alfred burst into laughter as the cat on the video toppled off of the piano. "Poor thing!"

Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Kinda hard to miss when you've been playing it for the past hour," he said irately. "Can we do something else?"

"Like what?" Alfred favored in pausing the video to look at the albino.

"Let's go to that chatting site. You know, the one where you can talk to other strangers." An evil smile spread across Gilbert's lips. In case you don't know, that usually meant that chaos was bound to ensue.

Alfred hummed thoughtfully. "Omegle?"

"Yeah! That's it." Gilbert snickered. "I heard from Luddy that there are some desperate people on there. All they want is to...cyber and stuff."

An idea suddenly popped into Alfred's ever-creative mind. "Wait, I have a better idea," he said, sitting up with the laptop in his hand. He made himself comfy on the couch, fingers flying over the keyboard as he typed in the URL. "I heard some guys talking about it the other day," he explained while the page loaded.

Gilbert squinted at the screen. "...A dating site? What the fuck, man!"

"No, I'm not doing what you think I'm doing!" Alfred yelped. "Well, kind of, but... Never mind! Just let me explain."

"You better have a good explanation for going on that site," Gilbert said semi-seriously. "Otherwise, I'm not sure what I'll do."

Alfred waved a hand dismissively. "Relax, this is gonna be awesome." He clicked on the sign-up button.

"You're scaring me."

"Just watch."

He filled in the necessary blanks, uploaded an old photo of himself when he turned twenty one, getting drunk for the first time. Then, once his profile was created, he cracked his knuckles with a satisfied smirk.

"Uh, hello?" Gilbert jabbed a finger into his cheek none-too-gently. "What was that?"

"That," Alfred said solemnly, "was the beginning of a genius plan." He set out to begin working on his profile.

"You just entered yourself in as a son of a multi-millionaire CEO," Gilbert said flatly. "That's just stupid."

Alfred pretended not to hear that. What were best friends for? He finished typing the rest of his short biography and clicked safe, leaning back languidly. "There. Now we have to find some poor idiot to troll." He clicked on the _Meet People!_ and was linked to a full list of users currently online.

"_Oh._" Gilbert's interest suddenly seemed piqued. He sat up straighter, scooting closer to see the screen. "That's actually a pretty good idea."

Alfred laughed triumphantly. "Of course it is! I came up with it!" He clicked on his first victim's profile. "What should we say to this one?" It was a blond girl's headshot in the profile picture. Her hair was short and wavy, and behind thin-rimmed glasses were dark blue eyes. She actually looked decent.

Gilbert cackled. "Sprout some random crap about how she's pretty or something," he suggested. Gilbird, his pet bird, chirped brightly from its perch on his head.

"Hey there... You're...pretty..." Alfred mumbled as he typed out the words. "Message me back...if you want to...hook up sometime..." He hit the Send button with a flourish. "First target, complete!"

They were sending their sixth or seventh message when they finally received a reply.

"Read it!" Gilbert said, sounding eager. He pointed to the little message alert. "Who's it from?"

Alfred pulled the message up on the screen.

_CanadiaEh:_ _Are you a troll?_

Alfred blinked.

"That was fast," Gilbert commented.

Another message alert popped up. Alfred clicked on it.

_CanadiaEh:__ And I don't think men should be considered pretty._

"Holy shit!" Gilbert exclaimed. "That's a dude?"

Alfred clicked out of the message to re-examine the profile picture. "It's...a pretty dude," he said hesitantly.

There was silence between the two friends. Then Gilbert pitched in, "If I were gay, I'd tap that."

Another message alert cropped up on the screen.

_CanadiaEh: From your lack of response, I'm assuming that you indeed are a troll. Off to my block list you go, goodbye now._

Alfred panicked. He quickly typed in, _Wait!_

"Hey," Gilbert said. "What are you doing?"

Alfred paid him no attention, hurrying to type in another reply.

He was probably beginning the metaphorical dig of his own grave, but it was too late: His attention had been caught and he wanted to know more about this blond...

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><p><strong>AN:** I'm sorry for starting another story...? ; A ;


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